Released: 2012
Director: John Gulager
Starring: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, David Hasselhoff
So bad it’s good
It would appear that my battle against the creeping normalisation of 3D is being lost. At least in my own house. It was a red-letter day when I saw and loved a 3D film, but things are going even further. We now have a 3D television and subscription to Sky 3D. It seems that a lot of 3D is in my future and I don’t entirely know how I feel about this. Especially as it means that I feel compelled to watch films I would never normally even consider. Like Piranha 3DD
Set a year after the events of Piranha 3D where nubile young lovelies on spring break became fodder for prehistoric piranha fish, this film sees the chompy creatures attacking a formerly wholesome water park which has been rebranded as “The Wet One” and is aiming its sights at an altogether more adult and jiggly market. Only marine biologist Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) seems to be taking the threat of the sharp-toothed little blighters seriously. Not seriously enough that she covers up when swimming – that would clearly be too much to ask. As the fiendish fish get closer and closer to The Wet One and inhabit the bodies of Maddy’s friends it seems that only the appearance of David Hasselhoff can save the day.
The most important thing to say about Piranha 3DD is that it is rubbish. Complete and utter tosh. The script is bad, the acting is woeful and the 3D is purely there for the moments a ridiculously designed piranha jumps out of the screen snapping its teeth at the viewer. The title, a pun about boobs, sets the tone for a film which has lots of bouncing breasts and an underwater “cooch cam”. Really there is no artistic merit to be found at all. I should have hated every minute of Piranha 3DD but I really, really enjoyed it.
The film’s tongue is firmly set in cheek. It knows that it’s daft and exploitative and will never rank on anyone’s top ten films ever but it doesn’t mind. It sets out to elicit a few squeals and laughs and that’s exactly what it succeeds in doing. The main young cast including Panabaker, Matt Bush and Katrina Bowden are pretty bland with no noticeable acting skills but there is some sparkle from the old-timers in the cast. David Hasselhoff has a great time chewing the scenery as himself, gently mocking his own career and reputation. Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd and Gary Busey all have fun in their brief appearances and bring a little bit more fun to the proceedings.
Let’s be honest – no 3D film about killer, prehistoric piranhas is actually going to be of any value but you know exactly what you’re going to get when you choose to watch it. For mindless (oh so very mindless) fun on a Friday evening with a couple of drinks you could do much worse than this.