This Means War

Released: 2012
Director: McG
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, Tom Hardy

Virtually laugh free romantic comedy which wastes a decent cast

Sometimes I read reviews of romantic comedies that are very scathing and make me think I’m about to watch the worst movie ever made. I’m usually pleasantly surprised by a film that is a bit mindless but normally quite fun and enjoyable. I’ve come to the conclusion that the genre is regarded by many critics as something to be sneered at, not proper film making. Maybe it’s because the target market is young women it’s easier to dismiss – or maybe that’s my feminist hackles rising. Sometimes though the scathing reviews are absolutely spot on and that’s the case with the absolute mess that is This Means War.

Tom Hardy and Chris Pine play CIA agents FDR (yes really) and Tuck, best friends and partners who get into all sorts of hilarious scrapes while hunting down bad guys across the world. Their friendship is ripped apart when both fall far Lauren (Reese Witherspoon). As Lauren dates both men to see which one she prefers, the crazy spies employ the resources of the agency to see how each other are faring with the girl, sabotage the competition and improve their own chances.

How many ways can a film be bad? Let’s start with the script. It’s really bad. For a comedy it was remarkably laugh free, I think I laughed twice through the entire film. Not only isn’t it funny, but it’s full of clunky dialogue which is wince-inducing. We are in the middle of a CIA operation and the boss feels the need to tell her agents that this is “a covert operation”. Really? Your staff are so stupid you have to remind them of this half-way through a job? As it turns out, yes they are.

The characters are generally pretty unlikeable. Lauren dates two guys at once which isn’t a particularly nice thing to do but in return she’s lied to and stalked by men who are using her in their own little competition. Chelsea Handler as Lauren’s friend Trish is particularly obnoxious and irritating and I’m only sorry there wasn’t a terrorist attack which saw her sacrificed for the greater good. There’s a side-plot about a generic Euro bad guy but you know exactly what’s going to happen and how he’s going to make a “surprise” reappearance from almost the first minute of the film.

This should have been fairly decent. All three leads are likeable and there was probably room for some love-triangle based laughs but they didn’t materialise. Only Tom Hardy escapes with any dignity, in fact he’s actually pretty good. So good that I found myself literally shouting at him to get out of the whole sorry mess and find something to show off his talents to much better effect.

This Means War isn’t the worst film ever made. It’s probably not even the worst romantic comedy ever, it’s just not very good. There are a couple of laughs and Tom Hardy is decent but if you’re looking for a spy based romantic comedy go for True Lies instead.